Black Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, All Lives Matter.

It is with great concern that I write this, as the country seems to be upside down over the deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, and then a dozen police officers targeted and gunned down in Dallas, Texas, of which 5 have died as of the writing of this blog.

First off, Black Lives Matter.  There does seem to be a systemic racism against people of color, in which they seem to be targeted by the justice system a lot more, often resulting in fatal arrests whereas people with less melanin in their skin do not end up dead.

Equally important, Blue Lives Matter.  Targeting and killing cops is not a solution either.  These people don their uniforms everyday to serve and protect everyone.

Black and Blue Lives Matter are not mutually exclusive.  I have seen in my Facebook feed that people tend to choose sides.  Either Black or Blue lives, but not both.  This is a very dangerous stance, because it seems to put colored people against policemen and policemen against colored people.  This is very wrong.  Most cops aren't bad.  Most black people aren't bad.  (Most people in general aren't bad.)  And we have to operate on the idea that most people are good and act in good conscience.  

As in all groups, there's always a bad apple (yes, even in your group), and those people should be held accountable for all wrongdoing, especially murder, whether it be a murder of a black life, blue life, or whatever other color.  They say justice is blind, but apparently, in this country, not color blind.

Also, which is it?  We hear from gun advocates that people should carry guns to stave off violence.  However, when Alton Sterling and Philando Castile were killed, "they shouldn't have had guns on them".  I don't hear the NRA coming to their defense.  Have we become accustomed to white privilege so much that this is not an outrage?

Just some thoughts.  We cannot be silent anymore.  Not taking sides is taking sides with the oppressor, as Elie Wiesel said.

On Brock Turner

I have been defiantly quiet about Brock Turner and his infamous rape case and following trial that resulted in a slap in the hand of 6 months of jail that turned out to be 3 months instead.

There has been much talk about white privilege and how he was treated with white gloves as compared to other rapists of color.  And as much true as it all that may be, I won't get into that.

I have been the victim of rape.  I have had my drink ruffied and consequently been gang-raped.  While I was out and don't remember all of the details, I do know that I was violated in the most horrible of ways.  I do know that I didn't ask for it, I didn't want it, and because it wasn't something I wanted or asked for, it has haunted me for 12 years and counting.  It is something that I have been talking about in therapy for the last 8 years of my life, and I still have nightmares about it, and wake up sweating.

Someone on my Facebook feed dared to say that we should look into forgiveness and move on.  I agree, but forgiveness doesn't mean that the perpetrator doesn't get to pay for their crime.

It has taken me a long time, but I am still forgiving my perpetrators.  I haven't chosen to forgive them because "they didn't know what they were doing" or whatever other bullshit you can come up with.  I am forgiving them because I need to in order to move on.  The anger and frustration I have had have been more than anything feelings that in the end just punish me and do not let me move on.

I never tried hard enough to bring them to justice, however.  And it is something that hangs over my head.  So yes, 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, whatever, does not seem enough punishment for a rapist, someone that violates someone in the deepest and most personal way.  I personally wish to see him rot in prison for the rest of his life, as rape is a life-altering crime.  However, at least he was brought to justice, which is more than I can say for my perpetrators, and social media has condemned him, which is some sort of justice for the victim in this case.  No, it is not enough punishment (is there ever enough punishment for rape?), but at least it's something, and it is more than can be said for all the unreported rape cases.

I still say, oust the judge, who has sentenced Brock in the stupidest of ways.  Damn the justice system, which has failed the victim in the harshest of ways.

To the victim in this case:  I hope in your recovery journey, you find peace.

How YOU can help:  Help end rape culture.  Only rapists cause rape.  No one asks for it.  Not in the way they dress, or they way they talk, walk, or dance.  Not because they drink too much, or drug themselves silly, either.  If it's not yes, it's no.  If it's not a clear yes, it's no.  If you're not sure, it's no.  It's not worth to risk something so sacred, so special over an unclear proposition.  If you have to drug them to have sex with them, it's rape.  If you have to wait until they're unconscious to have sex with them, it's rape.  It is not something you do for thrills and kicks.  It is a crime, punishable by law and your conscience.

Harambe the Gorilla.

I am sure by now you have heard the case of Harambe, the silver-back gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo, who had to be shot in a quick decision to save a child who managed to get into its enclosure.  I am also sure you have heard the internet comments on social media and in the comments sections of the news outlets that have reported on it.  By and large, these comments ask for the head of the mother of the child, and incredible compassion and sadness for the passing of Harambe, the 17 year-old gorilla.

While it's nice and noble to feel sad for the gorilla, where is the sympathy for the child? For the parents?  Yes, silver-back gorillas are endangered species.  Yes, it seems like a harsh response to kill Harambe, but it is actually harsh to judge the child's mother, just like it is harsh to ask for her incarceration for negligence.

Here's my beef with all this.

If Harambe had been hit with a tranquilizer dart, there's a good chance that the tranquilizer would have agitated him, further putting the child's life in danger, before the tranquilizer went into effect.  This would have been very risky to the child, who could have been easily killed by Harambe.  So, in order to save the child, the gorilla had to be put down.  There should be no question about that.  I feel really sad and really bad and sorry for the gorilla, who didn't know any better, or he wouldn't have shaken and dragged the child through poop-infested waters.

Now, people are asking for the mother's head.  Where is the equality in all this?  The father would be as culpable as the mother for losing sight of the child.  With that out of the way, let's address the next two issues:  the negligence bit, and the fact that children can and will squirm away in the blink of an eye.

So the parents were negligent for a few minutes or a few seconds.  Whatever the case, the kid managed to get down there, somehow.  What parent is able to maintain eye contact over their child(ren) 24/7?  Are parents not allowed to blink anymore?  Is parenthood grounds for being unable to get distracted, even for a few seconds?  Does parenthood mean *never* sleeping again so you can be watching your kid, making sure he or she doesn't fall off the bed, or being there to wake them up when they are having a nightmare?

I am the mother of a 7 year-old, and I consider myself to be pretty watchful.  My son hardly ever gets into trouble.  But, for example, we were at Brookfield Zoo over the Memorial Day weekend.  We were walking together, but we weren't holding hands.  I got lost in thought for a couple of seconds, and next thing I hear is my son yelling "I'm lost! I'm lost!"  He was only a couple of feet away, but there were so many people that he lost sight of me.  His yelling brought me back from my thoughts, and I was able to immediately turn around and tell him "You're not lost," and holding his warm little hand back into the safety of my arms.  Was I negligent?  Was I suddenly a terrible mother?  I don't think so.  I am human, and I make mistakes.  Just as these parents are human and they make mistakes.  (And a toddler is a tiny human that has the ability to disappear in seconds.)

And lastly, children squirm away, especially little toddlers.  I am no developmental specialist, but I know from watching my son and nephew and niece grow up, that toddlers like to push limits and will often "not listen" to what parents are saying because, well, they're busy pushing limits.  It's possible that the parents were busy with other children, or lost in thought (like I suddenly was), or whatever the reason - the child managed to fall into the enclosure.  Even under a parent's watchful eye, toddlers have accidents, some light, some grave, and some even fatal.

So let's be more compassionate for the parents and the shaken child (who, btw, could have died from the shaking alone, had it been more vigorous).  And yes, let's mourn Harambe, but let's not judge the circumstances of his death.  I don't think that the life of a child should be above the life of a gorilla or any other animal - however endangered they might be.